Harveyisation

'Harveyised' or 'Harveyisation' was a process to produce armourplate for warships in the late 19th Century. 'To be Harveyised' could also relate to the process I've been going through the last few days. First, load onto the IPod all ones PJ Harvey CDs then listen to all 12 or so albums - including collaborations and sundry - end on end.

The result is a complete rewiring of the brain where nothing quite works musically unless it's being sung by PJ. It also creates a desire to find bootlegs and anything at all one might have missed over the years. Such a search took me into the shadowy world of fileshare sites offering dubious copies of dodgy disks apparently recorded by cellphone or a nano in someone's shoe. The quality is often bad and shouldn't worry Universal Music one iota, I would've thought.

Back in the day, fan networks used to distribute these on cassette, re-recorded 10,000 times. Crank the stereo up and you can hear the artist as if they're playing in a cornfield during a gale. Some moron is always having a conversation near the mike - there was no bass worth a damn and the lead always came out of the speaker at the other end of the stage away from the tape.

But these 'booties' were proof positive of a devoted fan and you trumpeted the acquisition to all your mates, who became suitably jealous. I had a drawer full of the shit - only ever played once because they were so bad.

It struck me, though, how easy it now is to download everything - studio albums, concerts - in good quality and not paying a cent to Universal or a shekel of royalty to PJ. I'm no saint and, in truth, I've grabbed the odd song off Limewire and their ilk. But, if I didn't already have most of PJ's music, I could correct that situation in a few hours of free downloading - everything, from 'Dry' to 'A Woman a Man Walked By.'

Yeah, I see the point clearly, if I didn't before. I always thought Limewire was a lottery, with as many trojans out there as the real deal. But these sharing sites are astonishing in both the quality and comprehensiveness. I bought 'White Chalk' as a digital download from the Vodafone store - it cost me 15 bucks, I think. I could've got it for nothing, complete with artwork and lyric sheet. It's not okay - this is PJ's livelihood - she deserves the income.

So how do you convince a spotty teen they're screwing the artist who has to eat like the rest of us? For every lavishly wealthy artist there's 300 or so struggling musicians. How does one appeal to teens' better natures?

You can't - they don't have one. I've never met a teenager who wouldn't take something for free if they knew they could get away with it. The only thing that stops them is consequences. Risk doesn't often figure large as a brake on teen behaviour, but a security camera, guard, road spikes and razor wire give them pause to reflect. Teens are amoral - they always have been. They don't develop a true conscience until they're my age - or older. Cops are the only thing that stops teens running riot.

Maybe the answer is with a use now pay later scheme? It would work a bit like those hire purchase things where 'you pay nothing for 12 months.' In this case, the kid downloads all they want - as they're doing now - but then pays the appropriate fee once they've grown up. By then they might acknowledge their sin and want to redeem themselves. It'll make them feel better at the same time they're discovering how boring marriage and a mortgage is.

Look, they've just given up booze, drugs, casual sex, parties, rock concerts in the belief they should 'settle down.' What better way to cheer themselves up by paying for all that music they pinched off the Net when they were kids?

Brilliant idea?

But really, I've been 'Harveyised' again. My brain has been case hardened against anything that's not PJ. I'll snap out of it eventually, of course, but I feel like I've fallen in love again.

Don